Infidelity and Confession: A Means to an End

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If you watch daytime television programing the likes of Jerry Springer or Maury Povitch (and the odds are you don’t) you might have noticed that a frequent topic that is spotlighted is a cheater wanting to come clean. Maybe something like this happened to you or maybe you did something like this to someone else. It does happen a lot within sexual relationships so there are always plenty of subjects available for programming.

Ok let’s get real here no matter who you are you’ve watched a few of these shows. As if there is something else on television if you happen to be home during the weekday with the flue. Gimmie a break.

Anywho it always begins the same with some sad sack telling the host how bad he/she feels about cheating on their partner and how they swear that from this moment on that it will never happen again. Well most of the time anyway but that is the subject of another story.

How these stories unfold is irrelevant it always ends the same ……. it ends.

Anyone who truly loves someone will do anything on Gods green earth to protect them. The last thing they would ever do is go on national television and expose anything negative and harming to that person. Sex and love are not always the same thing. You can be deeply in love with someone who doesn’t do it 100% for you in the sack. Should sexual comparability be the determining factor in love? I’d like to think it wasn’t.

Cheaters like to have more than one sexual partner but they always have an anchor. If they didn’t they wouldn’t be cheaters they’d just be promiscuous and it would be a no harm no foul situation. The difference between whether the cheater is in love with that anchor or not is shown by the lengths that cheater with go to to hide their extracurricular activities. The cheater who confesses wants the relationship to end.

The psychological aspect as to why the cheater wants the confession to end the relationship is pretty straightforward. It is not the anchors pain that is being offered closure here it is the cheaters. Doubt is always more of a comfort than a brutal truth. By offering the confession the cheater knows the odds are highly likely that the relationship will end at some point and the cheater walks away clean because of the confession. It was the victim of the cheating that wasn’t open minded enough, didn’t love the cheater enough, couldn’t forgive. And if the confession doesn’t work rise and repeat until it does.

This is one of lifes many twists and turns that require reading the situation properly. Most of us have probably forgiven or been forgiven of cheating at least once in our lives. If you have been cheated on and that cheating was confessed your relationship is over if not today soon it is only a matter of time. If on the other hand you suspect your partner of cheating on you but you just can’t catch them. It means they love you enough to make sure you never find out for sure.

Maybe you should let it go. If you suspect them they are probably cheating anyway so why haven’t you left them without rock solid proof? Or are your own instincts really that unreliable? As long as they are trying to hide it you know where their heart is. Relationships tend to be a tad more complicated than what most see on the surface or imagine the perfect relationship to be. I’m not sure if I’ve ever met a person who has had a normal relationship with someone else. I can’t say I’ve ever had one.

Don’t get me wrong I am not advocating for the cheater. I have been cheated on and I have cheated on others and from my own personal experience I find it a classless act reducing the cheater to the intelligence and self control of a dog and people are supposed to be better then that. I haven’t cheated on someone I was seeing in more than 20 years so I like to think I learned my lesson. There is however an exception to every rule and I can imagine a situation, remote as it might be, that I would be driven by my more animal instincts and if caught hurt someone I don’t want to have to live without. That’s the honest truth and I wonder if everyone doesn’t have a scenario were something, I don’t know a 3 some or a celebrity …. something could make you cheat.

But if you do cheat remember this …… on your dying breath you keep that shit to yourself if you truly care about the person you cheated on. Even within the smallest doubt there lays the seeds of hope and hope, no matter how small is far better than betrayal.

If you want to confess, man or woman up and break it off with them honestly. You owe them one honest gesture before tearing their hearts out. Trying to come off as the victim when you were the one who cheated is dirt-baggery to the Nth degree. Own it.

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