The Mighty Hotdog


Baseball, hotdogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet. The only reliable thing on that list is the mighty hotdog. Mighty you say? Yes the Mighty hotdog, unequivocally yes! No matter how it is cooked it remains the king of all foods.

Talking about baseball if you ever actually get that fat ass off the couch and even go to a pony league ball game you’d better darn well have yourself a hotdog. People will start looking at you funny if you don’t. If it’s girls ball you’ll wanna bring cupcakes. And when you think about it a ballpark hotdog isn’t all that great. It’s usually the cheapest hotdogs they can find made out of pink slime wrapped up in a tasteless bun covered in aluminum foil. This is supposed to be good? Yet that first bite. Mmmmm donuts er I mean hotdogs. It is like the hotdogs fall under some strange transformation at the ballpark. If you made them out of meat like that and cooked em that way at home you’d toss them in the garbage. WTF is going on here?

Every patriotic celebration in America has hotdogs front and center. Pull out the barbecue and grab the hotdogs. Everyone can afford a hotdog. You can spend $10 or more for one and you can also buy 20 of them for $4. You can eat em from fancy buns, pieces of bread or just off a stick over the fire. Hotdogs at the beach, hotdogs at the lake, hotdogs camping, and hot dogs everywhere people gather for just about any reason.

Sure we have no idea what is in them and we don’t wanna know. Health Nazis have been warning us about hotdogs for 50 years so yeah we get it. Then one day we are taking a stroll and we smell that familiar smell as our pace quickens towards the hotdog cart. You give your order to the cart attendant and he pops the lid and there they are, dirty water dogs. Oh hell yeah it’s past lunch and that waters gotten nasty. There ain’t nothin like a dirty water dog. It gets covered with mustard, onions and chili, you pay your money and it’s gone. You look down at your hand knowing it was filled with something resembling meat and bread but it’s gone. You barely remember tasting it.

That’s power. Power over you. You have been dominated by the mighty hotdog and you cannot resist. You’ll never be able to resist. You are completely incapable of swearing that you’ll never have another hotdog again for the rest of your life. No matter how much you claim to hate hotdogs you and I both know that you’ll never be able to go hotdog free forever. Why fight it. Give in to the power of the mighty hotdog. Yeah even you fat, sissy kids who climb on rocks.



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