Cinco De Mayo is Racist

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I’d like to know why Cinco De Mayo is celebrated in the U.S.A. Do we have a popular Russian holiday in America too? Maybe we should start celebrating the communist rebellion in Cuba? Don’t we have enough holidays and celebrations of our own without celebrating something that isn’t American?

We don’t really celebrate Cinco De Mayo any more than we celebrate Saint Patrick on Saint Patrick’s Day. In the U.S.A. when we celebrate Cinco De Mayo it involves tequila, Corona and a generous amount of limes. We’ll eat tacos and burritos at Taco Bell and drink til we drop at some watering hole decorated to look like Disney Mexico and we might even wear a poncho and/or sombrero. It is an excuse to party and nothing more. In fact most Americans don’t even know what the day celebrates in Mexico (and I’m not gonna tell you because who cares that’s why).

But if a few snowflakes in California (yes I know you’re shocked at the location) have their way we can all start feeling guilty about partying.

The first time I ever heard about  Cinco De Mayo was in a Corona beer commercial. In fact for several years after Corona started making Cinco De Mayo a national holiday so we would drink their beer, I actually believed that Cinco De Mayo had something to do with the beer or maybe the Corona family or something. So what we really have is a marketing ploy for a Mexican beer that has really taken off made by a Mexican Corporation.

Now it’s racist.

You just can’t make this kind of stuff up.

Perhaps it would just be best if we stopped celebrating Americas version of Cinco De Mayo all together. We just can’t have white people walking around in ponchos and sombreros even for one day out of the year. What next? Black men in (proper) business suits? Asians in blue jeans? Now of course putting an end to this event is going to have an economic impact on a lot of companies both small and large. Joe’s Bar and Grill isn’t going to have more than two or three local drunks on a Thursday night. Jose’s Mexican Delights isn’t going to be taking on any extra cooks, servers, bus personnel … or anyone else. Beer and tequila sales won’t be the same anywhere. Yeah let’s ruin a fun holiday.

But are the snowflakes really all that concerned about whether a white girl is sporting a sombrero or is the real goal to continue to cause as much damage to the American economy as possible and bring it down to every 3rd world countries level. Division and destruction the progressive liberal way.

The way I see it is that progressive liberals are trying to use a party holiday to perpetuate more division while at the same time causing moderate economic damage. Is there really any other way to perceive this? It is what it is.

I’m staring at a bottle of tequila right now. Thinking about having one of my deconstructed hard burritos that I’m so famous for making. Is it worth it? What if we just changed the holiday and called it Party Day? We could just cut the Mexicans out of it completely and make it a Stella Artois or St. Pauli Girl day. Maybe Belgium would really like to have one of their dates turned into an American party day. Something must have happened on the 5th of May somewhere in Belgium history.  We could wear traditional short pants and hats and put down a few cases of Stella and shots of whatever hard liqueur they drink there. And without a doubt the Belgium restaurant businesses will flourish.

That’s how we should fix the racism. One beer at a time.

stella

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