I was reading an article about some 18 year old kid impersonating a doctor in Florida today and the article mentioned that this young man was an ordained minister. They also mentioned that he had gotten ordained online. Now being a minister is pretty cool because you can charge people for services like weddings and funerals and it is all tax free as long as you call them donations. If you get 20 people to show up at your house once a week you don’t have to pay taxes on it either.
While I was cruising the net looking for the site I couldn’t help wonder about my own hypocrisy. I mean it isn’t like I’m much of a church goer tho for the last couple of years I have been wanting to go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve it just hasn’t worked out yet as other things got in the way like dressing up like Santa Claus this past year. I don’t do a lot of proper praying either though in my head I have had my little talks with God here and there when I thought they were appropriate.
Then I thought about a couple of other ordained ministers I’ve seen throughout much of my life in the media namely Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. If those guys can be men of God why not me. It isn’t like I tell a lot of lies or tell people they are going to hell (though to be honest I have on occasion told people to go to hell but I’ve also told people to F themselves which I didn’t really expect them to do though in reality they probably already have and will again without my encouragement). Racebaiting also isn’t a big part of my forte. Taking these things into consideration I figured I was at least on more solid moral ground than these two clowns.
So I get to the site and they have a list of people who have become ordained ministers with the Universal Life Church and low and behold (doesn’t saying behold so so priestly) the names included Conan O’Brien, Kathy Griffin, Sir Ian McKellen, Joan Rivers (R.I.P.), Johnny Carson (R.I.P.), Byran Cranston (Breaking Bad), and Richard Branson (Virgin Airways) and I started feeling pretty good about filling out the form and becoming a minister especially since there was no cost involved.
So as of today I have become an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church joining with a handful of celebrities and thousands of others who have a hell (oh wait can I still say hell) of a lot more moral fortitude (in theory) than either Jackson or Sharpton.
I can live with that. Let us pray.
-Rev. Patrick McCarthy